So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize