The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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