Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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