I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize