I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Everything about him screamed your future.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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