I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
