I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
