I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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