I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize