i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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