so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
