I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
