their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
