Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
