she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
