I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
