I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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