I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize