i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
