My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize