oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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