i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
