I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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