I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
