Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
