So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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