i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
