I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
