I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
