I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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