The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
