dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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