just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
