It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
