I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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