ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
