I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
