he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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