I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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