Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Are we still banned from the library?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
