i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
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