24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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