his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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