nut hugger
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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