i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize