At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize