the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
