How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You smell like stripper and shame
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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