i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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