I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
