So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
