So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
