I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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