Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
