theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We have started to decorate penises.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
