it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
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