the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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