Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
