Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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