There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
