The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Someone signed my nipple.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
