ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
