I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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