You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My ass is underappreciated
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
