do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
my poor anus
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
