Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
