Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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