I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
